Here I Go Again

Well, here I am again. Another year later, many changes, and I'd like to think I'm a little wiser. Since my last post (in November of 2010), my life has changed dramatically. I'm a mommy now. Wow! I'm a mommy now! Sometimes that thought hits me like a ton of bricks. Our son was born August 5, 2011 and is our pride and joy.

The pregnancy was fun. Ok, terrifying. Seriously, it was scary. How do women cope with pregnancy after a loss without being stressed? I truly don't think it can be done. All through the first trimester I had terrible morning (all-day) sickness. I kept thinking, "once the first trimester is over, I won't worry so much." The greatest risk of miscarriage is in the first trimester, after all.

During the second trimester, my morning sickness went away. I felt great, actually, which is great...right? NO! I was terrified that something was wrong because I no longer felt the morning sickness (which is usually a sign of a health pregnancy) and it was too early to feel movement. I felt a sense of panic before every ultrasound only to find my fears unfounded.

By the third trimester, I felt hopeful. I felt like, "Hey, this is really going to happen for us." My belly grew bigger and I finally looked pregnant. I could feel him kicking like crazy, mostly at night. I loved that part of my pregnancy.

I started having problems at 31 weeks with early contractions which thankfully never resulted in anything. At 37 weeks, we noticed some minor problems with the baby's heartrate, but the doctor said he'd prefer to at least wait until 38 weeks unless we really, really needed to induce. One day before he turned 38 weeks, I didn't feel any movement all day while I was at work. "It's okay," I thought. "He's usually active in the evenings. I'll see what he does then." That evening -- still nothing. I did what any crazy, panicky, first time momma would do and headed to the ER (for the 5th time that trimester, to be exact). Turns out, it was serious this time. Although he scored a perfect 8 on his biophysical profile two days before, this day, he only scored a four. A few hours and one emergency c-section later, our little guy was born.

I won't even talk about the hospital stay because, honestly, it was a nightmare. The only reason I will ever give birth at that hospital again is because it is the only one my OB participates with. And I love him. Really, truly, I love him (and so does hubby). He was great.

Since then, life has felt like a whirlwind! He is nearly six months old now, growing so fast, accomplishing so much and bringing more happiness to us than I ever thought possible. I am now back to work and trying to juggle being a mommy with a career. That guilt trip is for another post, though, so I'll leave it there.

Here I Go Again